Lead On, Lord

February 22, 2015 — 2 Comments

Screen Shot 2015-02-21 at 10.45.45 PMIt goes like this… Hi! How are you????

Oh me? Oh you know, I’m fine. Just fine. How are you????

Stop. Just stop. If your only interest is to make small talk, please don’t ask me how I’m doing. If you do ask, ya know, out of cordial habit, you’ll get more than you bargained for. I will prepare to watch you slowly back up, change the topic back to yourself, or certainly watch your eyes glaze over. It’s okay. I get it. There are times we just wish people with ‘issues’ would lie and say ‘I’m fine.’ I mean, where is the positivity, people? geez. It’s SO much easier to be superficial. and lie.

My current life status doesn’t fit into any sort of small talk conversation. Can you identify with that feeling? If not, skip to another blog on your newsfeed. I don’t do small talk here. Life is too short & there are too many hurting people in the world to pretend like we don’t exist. I’m willing to bet there are plenty of us who have some quite serious challenges that just don’t fit into the small talk box. This post is for us. The confused misfits. Confused as to how we can live in a world that values athletics & fashion more than it does human life. Don’t get me started.

Here’s the thing. I’ve often wished we were credentialized Christians. {Yes I probably made that word up.} Having credentials could have opened up a few doors for us, like it has for other people we know. You know the ones with a Masters of Theology, a Bachelors of International Humanitarian Justice, a 50 year life plan, AND charismatic swagger that gushes out of their pores? Life just seems to work for them!

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I desperately want God’s plan BUT I kinda/sorta/maybe also want to look like I have ‘it’ together and know what I’m doing with my life. Who doesn’t, right? But its pride and it’s a lie. When from the depths of your being, you start telling God you want His plan… He will screw with yours. No doubt. And it doesn’t always look like what the world or the Church calls successful or blessed.

Wanting to look like we have it together? Let’s call it what it is. Performance. Religion. I’m convinced this is why many churches fail to flourish… they get caught up in the hype of what they think a church ‘should’ look like. Pretty songs. A pretty stage. A pretty pastor’s wife in pretty over-starched clothes. Yeah, everything up front looks picturesque but how do they treat those that walk through their stained glass doors with stains on their clothes & life-wounds so deep they can no longer muster the courage to face the performance required to attend church these days? Not all churches are like this, but guaranteed there’s enough to make it feel like the norm.

See what I mean? I can’t do small talk. I’m one of the wounded. The needy. The screw-ups. I wear my heart on my sleeve & my emotions in my tear ducts. I’m the one desperate for a place of refuge, desperate to help the hurting, to know God still cares & has a plan for my life in spite of me missing it over & over again. I need to let go of the desperate attempt to know what lies ahead, but instead realize He is calling me to know what lies beneath, which is where true liberty and peace are found anyhow.

I refuse to be part of the Church called ‘Fake It Til Ya Make It Church of the Religious: Performances at 9a.m. & 11a.m.’

See, we can perform by putting on a brave face & a pretty dress yet be internally miserable. OR we can be real enough to admit we are desperate to be raw & real… This is why I love people who show their mess, show their crazy… they are REAL. They’ve lost the desire to fake it til they make it. We misfits are so desperate to know the authenticity of God that we no longer care about small talk, social performance, superficial relationships, or careers that make a lot of money but suck the very life out of us. We are willing to look weak & crazy, willing to look desperate, willing to go to great lengths to know Him and to make Him known… no matter where it leads. Admittedly, it’s a scary place. But lead on, Lord. Lead on.

In order for God to lead on, we’ve had to let go of a few more things the past few weeks & months. It’s a vulnerable place to be, but I no longer see vulnerability as a bad thing. Uncomfortable yes. Stepping out of our comfort zones to comfort others is shockingly uncomfortable. Who knew?

I’m gonna tell ya what my husband & I are not gonna do. We’re not gonna let go of the things we know the Lord has called us to… each other or our precious boys. Nor are we going to let go of our people — those on the fringes, those whom society has forgotten including orphaned & vulnerable kids around the world.  No. These ‘things’ are bearing fruit for the Kingdom, these ‘things’ are life-giving. Uncomfortable, yes. But lead on, Lord.

Life is messy. Life is confusing. Sometimes we humans get it wrong, so wrong… again & again. And then, suddenly you realize to grow more deeply, you have to release what you thought your life should’ve become… Keep being your vulnerable, messy, crazy, genuine self, even if it ain’t pretty. Who knows? Maybe you’ll inspire other performers to let go, to be genuine & hungry for authenticity too. Letting go is hard because it requires free-falling trust. There’s a grieving that takes place & an uncertainty of what’s next. That’s me & my family right now. Grieving but humbly wanting to grow more deeply so our roots can be firmly planted through every storm we find ourselves in. Lead on, Lord.

Life is proving to be a continual challenge that just doesn’t afford us the luxury of being comfortable or looking like we have our crap together. But there is grace, people. GRACE!!! Grace reaching out for me, reaching out for you. Grace to go & grow with God. Out of your mess and darkness, my mess and darkness, may Light & Freedom RISE! Lead on, Lord!!!

This song is playing a lot in our house & in my heart. It’s desperate praise to a grace-filled God who though we fall & fail can make us new! He pleads our cause! He rights our wrongs. He says that we are free… free to NOT look like we have it all together!!! Lead on, Lord!

Shine On!

daniellebrower

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...daughter of the King, wife and mother ~ danielle believes all christians are missionaries; we're called to love Jesus and share that love through active compassion that brings tangible & eternal change in the lives of those we touch. no one should live more proactive, more giving, more sacrificial lives than those that claim to know Christ. time to remove the blinders & excuses and let the love of Christ flow through us.

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

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  2. Lead On, Lord - Bheveni - May 18, 2015

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